Saturday, January 21, 2006

Braindead Broadcasting Corporation

I usually try to avoid anything presented by cheery chubby Eamonn Holmes as his overbearing chumminess brings out the worst in me. Whenever I see him on telly I’m inclined to repeat Steve Martin’s outburst from Planes Trains and Automobiles: "You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks!"

However, this morning I wanted to hear the traffic reports so tuned in to his radio show on Five Live. I won’t repeat that mistake. I’d rather take my chances on the M25 in rush hour when there’s black ice, heavy fog and a high probability of meteor showers than listen to that bollocks again. When I first turned on, he and failed bookie John McCririck were in the middle of a pitifully unfunny nudge-nudge exchange about Rula Lenska’s pussy which was almost as excruciating as Galloway pretending to be a cat; I was half expecting John Inman to pop up and announce his availability.

What really wound me up though was the interview with Derek Acorah (or That Cunt Derek Fucking Acorah as he is better known). For the uninitiated, Acorah is a "psychic" who hunts for ghosts on pisspoor Living TV. In true arse-licking style Holmes introduced him as "the country’s leading medium" and said he was "a big fan" (not much chance of being a little fan, you fat fuck). Apparently Acorah used to play in the Liverpool reserves when Bill Shankly was manager, which led Holmes to ask whether he’d contacted any dead footballers. (Remember - this brain-dead nonsense was all on the BBC, paid for by us!) Needless to say, Acorah had communicated with Shankly himself and related a cock and bull story [one for the search engines to pick up on there, especially if I add "Steve Coogan"] about the time he contacted him at Anfield.

There then followed a discussion on Acorah’s spirit guide Sam (we’ve all got one, apparently - although I don’t think they’re all called Sam. That would be silly, wouldn’t it?) Just for good measure Holmes threw in mention of a "very very interesting" film he’d seen about contacting the other side called White Noise, and then we learned that Acorah has a cameo in a forthcoming Doctor Who episode. A time-travelling police phone-box I can handle, but that fake fucking Scouse bollock getting licence-payers' money is more than I can stand.

Fucking fuck the fucking BBC.


Blogger Span Ows said...

My God you've squeezed a lot in this week; I agree with your final comment; very succinct and to the point...fuck'em...:-)

Just popped in after your comment on Mag's blog...I won the tenner and I'm not giving half to you!

Good links too, Mark Steyn, Dhimmi Watch etc. Do you know The Belgravia Despatch? I've not been there lately but was good. Gavin is "our" 'England' poster, on of the Witanagemot club lot, (Toque etc.)...although you seem far more serious, may link you (no big deal but I find this interesting)

7:48 pm  
Anonymous TAoL said...

Bloody hell. Have I found Ernold?

8:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tremendous. Go get 'em.

9:14 pm  

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